Miserable and (therefore) Rude!

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It feels bad when someone is rude to us. We feel hurt and offended. This person yells at us or gives us a dirty look and we think, how ugly he or she is, how insensitive.

Try to remember the last time you yourself were rude to someone. May be you felt bad afterwards, and that’s a good sign that deep down you’re not comfortable making others uncomfortable! But I especially want you to remember how you felt while in the action. You probably were angry; that person got on your nerves, someone did something that made you feel awful, and you gave them back something just as awful. Someone did something which you felt was stupid or inappropriate, and you slapped them with a dirty look in return, and may be you added a hurtful word that would let them realise how stupid or how badly they acted. You took your revenge!

Try to remember a time when you were feeling so happy and optimistic. How easy was it to smile in peoples’ faces, to act kindly and gently with mere strangers when you were full of energy and happiness? Couldn’t be easier, right?

Now compare your state in the two situations! Which one would you rather have more of? Which one would you have most often in your life?

A rude person is a person in crisis! When someone is suffering, what they need most is help, not judgment. We know the action is bad enough, and we should know just as well that the doer is in trouble! When someone is rude to you, just think how miserable they are! Don’t focus on your hurt, and you won’t feel bad or hurt. This is not just idealistic kindness, it’s good for you! When you have compassion for the person who hurts you, you shift from feeling bad, offended and hurt, to feeling compassionate towards the suffering of that rude human soul. You move yourself from a position of weakness, inferiority and anger to a position of power and positivity.

Our actions are just a reflection and an extension of the state of our inner world. We’re rude when it’s dark in; we’re happy and gentle and forgiving when it’s light and bright inside!

We get hurt to the degree of our vulnerability. That’s true of our immune system just as it is true of our emotions and thoughts.

Everyone gives help to the degree of their capabilities, their power. Only the powerful can be in a position of helping. The more power you have, the more help you can give. And the more compassion you can feel towards the darkness and suffering of those who hurt you.

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